At 4:30 this afternoon I was sitting with mom in her room. We laughed and joked and I answered the same questions over and over for her, as usual. There wasn’t one unusual thing about our visit, but I was a little nervous. I was waiting for my niece Nia, her significant other Keith and their son Karter to come visit with mom. I was nervous because when mom last saw Nia a year ago, she didn’t remember that Nia was her granddaughter. I remember being devastated about that. I wondered how this visit would go. I wanted it to go well. Then, it hit me. No matter how the visit went, my mom was going to meet her great-grandson for the first time today. It really didn’t matter what else happened, or if she forgot our visit as soon as we left her room.
Prior to their arrival, I showed mom lots of pics of Nia and my sister Renee, her oldest daughter. BUT she remembered very little. She did remember that Nia danced and sang when she was a little girl. I was excited for that small blessing!!!!
I told mom she’d be meeting her great-grandson for the first time. “I have a great grandson?” she asked. “YEP” I answered. “How’d that happen?” was her next question. I explained that Nia was her granddaughter and that Karter was her son. Mom’s next question was, “How are babies born again?”……. “Ummmmm” was all I could get out. I definitely wasn’t having THAT conversation with mom, so we resumed looking at old photos instead.
Just then, thankfully Nia pulled up! When they walked in, mom said “Oh, hello”. Prior to their arrival, mom said at least 10 times, “i don’t know what I’m doing!!”, which is really unsettling when you hear it for the first time…..but so much was going on once they arrived, she didn’t say it once while they were there. I was relieved. She did say a few times, “oh, a baby. He’s cute.” We’d explain that Karter was her great-grandson. I have her on tape saying “hi” to Karter over and over. THAT was the coolest repetition ever.
We stayed about 30 minutes, chatting, laughing and taking pictures. Keith was so comfortable with mom too, and that really set the tone for the great time we had!! Our visit couldn’t have gone better, especially when you consider the fact that my mom can’t remember that the bed we sat on during our visit has been hers for the last four years.
We walked mom to the dining room so that she could have her dinner. She began eating as we packed up our stuff to leave. When we got to the door, we yelled goodbye to her and told her we’d see her soon. She yelled back, “how am I going to get home?”. I assured her that she WAS home. “OK bye” she said, “I’ll keep eating my dinner then.” Yeah mom, you do that…… Love You!!!
Conquering Life; Love and Dialogue with Loretta Veney 
What a fabulous family picture of the 4 of you!! This was a great blog Ret! LOL, you could have answered your Mom’s question about babies! I got a good chuckle out of that one. Another great visit with your Mom, more wonderful memories to store for those rough day. Love you! ❤
Thanks Kris!!! Yeah I could have come up with something about where babies come from!! LOL! Just like a kid, you never know what she’s gonna say next!! Thanks for reading my blog! You Rock!! Love ya always!!
Yeah! Ya shoulda told her where babies come from – lol. Orrrrr showed her Kendal’s birth – lol!!!! YAAAAAY for hellos to Karter!!!
Hysterical!!! Mom would probably LOVE Kendal’s birth video!! When I shared with her last week that I was born at home, she wanted to know if someone was with her to catch me. I said YEP. Explained that my dad was there to which she replied, “I don’t remember him.” Hmmmm me neither!! LOL
Reading about your visit with my first cousin, your mother, touched me to my heart. I am so glad for my visit in August to have seen her again, Nia, Karter, all the rest of my cousins, even though it was under the circumstances of the death of her sister and my other dear first cousin. Your pictures brought back fond memories. I can say “I’ve been there! I know where she she lives.” I love your words that are written so well to capture essence of your visit. I felt like I was right there with you. Thank you for including me in your blog, which is a FIRST for my reading and responding. You know me….LOL. Love you.
Winnie,
You must have been touched to actually write a response. I’m proud of you for taking the social media leap!!!
In all seriousness, I sincerely appreciate what you wrote! It is cool that you’ve been in Mom’s room and even sat at the dining table with her while she ate.
I showed her the pic of our family that Tim took of us at Frannie’s repast. Mom asked if we were all together for a family reunion and I said yes. She said “I’m not in the picture I must have been out of town.” I agreed. Quite the response given that my mom rarely traveled anywhere. LOL
Love ya!
Lovely recount of a lovely visit. Thanks, Loretta, for sharing it. It’s a tough and, simultaneously, perhaps paradoxically delicate balance for you to hold in one hand your hopes for a flicker of remembrance from your mother and, in the other hand, to hold (to embrace) your acceptance that such may not (may never) come. A tough balance because it involves your own pain in your continued acknowledgement of the loss of your relationship with your mother. A delicate balance because you are called from within to (learn to) be kind to your self. At least, this is what I try to do (and, frankly, fail at) daily. For I want what I want, which was what was and never will be again. Love
Thanks Paul! Balance…..that word could have been a chapter in my book for sure. As could “No Expectations”. I think that’s how I have to start approaching visits with my mom, that way I won’t be nervous or anxious. I just go, visit and deal with whatever hapens or doesn’t happen. I’m hoping to get better at the Balance part!
I’m thrilled with our memories we are making now. But of course wish she could still remember at least some of our previous memories but as you pointed out so eloquently, that can’t happen.
Great post. It sounds like a great visit.
Awesome Pics.