Yep, someone actually asked me that this week…AND pointed out that Tim had died more than a month ago so therefore I should take the ring off. For an instant, I thought about hitting the person, a violent thought that I’ve rarely had in my life. Instead, I walked away.
But then I thought about it for a moment…is there some rule I don’t know about that says I need to take my ring off after a certain period of time?? Hmmmm, I had no idea. So I did what most of us do when we have a question, I Googled it!! There was an amazing amount of information on this topic, and I read a lot of it. There’s all kinds of advice, including widows and widowers sharing their feelings on removing their rings, or not. Bottom line, it’s a very individual and personal decision.
Tim gave me the wedding band I’m wearing at our 25th anniversary vow renewal. I remember the day like it was yesterday! Kim and our nephew Damon who were in the original wedding stood up with us, as did our awesome friends and neighbors of more than 20 years, Jim and Mary Gilewski. We had the best event coordinator in the world in Pontheolla Mack Abernathy who created a spectacular ambiance and the best preacher who knew us inside and out in Paul Roberts Abernathy who perfectly captured in his words the then 25 years of married life Tim and I had shared! People who were at the event still talk about it today!
My truth is that I need this ring right now, so please don’t ask me about taking it off!! Here’s why I’ll be wearing it for the foreseeable future…
Tim picked this ring out with his heart and soul and gave it to me.
When I look down at my ring, I still feel loved, protected and comforted by him.
It brings me peace when I’m alone and scared at night.
And MOST importantly, It’s a part of me and I’d feel naked and vulnerable without it.
When you’ve already lost your soul mate the last thing in this world you want is to feel naked and vulnerable too! So when you see me, plan on seeing the ring too! Miss and love you Tim!
Conquering Life; Love and Dialogue with Loretta Veney 
I can’t even imagine who would be so rude. And thoughtless. You can wear it forever and shame on anyone who would ask you about removing it. That’s just wrong.
Some people are just crazy Vicky!!! Yep I’m gonna be wearing it and they just have to deal with it!!
I STILL think you should’ve stuck your leg out and tripped them!! I TOTALLY understand why you still wear it. Why shouldn’t you?? Albeit absent his body you two are still and will always be..in love. He is still here with and for you! When and IF you are ready, remove it and not a second before. I Love You!
LOL!!! I guess tripping them would have been fun!!!!! But you’re so right… I can decide if I ever want to take the ring off!! Tim is always gonna be with me and love me!!! Love you too!!
Thank you, Loretta, for continuing to share with us, openly and honestly, deeply and transparently, the good and not so good emotions, your joyful memories and your sorrowful reflections. Again, thank you.
As for the person asking the question about your wearing your wedding ring, I can’t know the motive or intent underlying the inquiry and I suppose the person didn’t clarify the genesis or nature of the inquiry. On its face, the words, for me, ring with judgment, thus, in asking why, the inference is that you should not. Your response in walking away was a fitting and faithful to your sense of being as possible.
As I read and reflect on your post, your words which strike me most powerfully, at least at this moment (for as I continue to think about what you’ve shared, doubtless, other thoughts and feelings will arise) are: “When I look down at my ring, I still feel loved, protected and comforted by him.” This brings to mind the language of the marriage rite at the exchange of rings: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” I’ve said to couples for years that the ring is meant to be an outward and visible sign of the vow of your marital partner – “…to have and to hold for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…until we are parted by death.” In this, the ring is a constant reminder to the marital partner – and to the world – of 4 things: (1) that a vow was made to the wearer, (2) that a vow was made by the wearer, (3) that the vow made was received, and (4) that the vow given was received. Your act of looking at your ring and feeling, sense, knowing Tim’s love and protection and comfort means that your ring truly is a living symbol and not simply, merely a fine piece of jewelry. Bless you. Keep wearing your ring.
Much love
Paul,
Thank you for this!!! Especially for sharing the marriage vows. I’ll treasure this part of your post, because you were the officiant / frienily for our 25th service. Actually I hadn’t thought of the ring as a “living symbol” until you phrased it so beautifully (of course you would given you’re the man of words!!)….so thank you for that too.
I don’t know the exact motive of the person who asked the question either but I do have a suspicion, so it was just easier to walk away as opposed to saying something in anger that I more than likely would have regretted later.
I’ll definitely keep wearing the ring! Grateful for you and for your words!!! Much love