Memories Help Make Us Whole!

It isn’t a secret that my greatest fear is getting dementia like my Mom. That fear is the reason I cram as many memories into my days as I possibly can, and then I pray that my brain can store them all when I want to remember them. It wasn’t an accident that Tim and I named our RV Memory Maker and it was our dream to make a lifetime of memories together. Making memories became a priority because even as a young adult I recognized that my memory didn’t seem to be as sharp as others my age. Of course I remember where I grew up and went to school, church and places I visited. BUT my memories of people, particularly people I grew up with, teachers I had and years that some events occurred are very fuzzy. Why do I remember events, but not necessarily the people I experienced them with?

In January I began a journey of “Learning Loretta” (specifically who I am without Tim). As part of that journey I signed up for two classes, a Spiritual Writing course that required us to make “Art Dates” with ourselves and a class on “Becoming Holy Whole”. I’ve stuck with the art dates even after the class ended and love making time to see as much art and nature as I can. The “Holy Whole” class concerned me a little because the text used in the class written by Professor Timothy Sedgwick focuses a lot on memory.

Professor Sedgwick writes “Consciousness of one moment in time does not exist apart from memory of the past and expectations for the future. Through language, the present is experienced in light of the past, and as enlightening the future. And so it is in the experience of the holy. The holy points to an experience of a moment in time that makes sense only in terms of what happened before and after the moment.”

As I’ve worked my way through Professor Sedgwick’s book, that quote and several others have stuck with me. I’m examining how the present, past and future connect and disconnect in my life. Yesterday evening I was to attend a baby shower in Calvert County, MD about an hour from my house. The weather was supposed to be beautiful so I decided to include an “art date” and visit Annmarie Sculpture Garden and Arts Center only 3 miles from where the baby shower would be held. I planned to spend the entire day there so I packed a lunch, put on my walking shoes and set out. The six hours I spent inside the gardens made me feel both Holy and Whole.

The sculptures in the garden were stunning! I went to each, sat on the benches around them and reflected on each one. Several of them were Holy in my opinion.  The sculptures had names, but I renamed some of them based on how I connected with or disconnected from each of them based on my past and what I believe will be my future.

I took notes on several of the sculptures and my reactions to them! Some I went back to several times. I sat in chairs that overlooked the water and ate my lunch as the birds chirped. I also sat in a garden of sculptures of women and colored in my coloring book as I reflected on them. The tall stones with benches in a circle became my church setting and I prayed and reflected on Lent and felt God’s presence. I also felt God’s presence in the sculptures that were IN the trees that had sculptured faces. They were amazing!

          Yet the thing that impacted my day the most was an actual “experience in memory”. It was exactly what I believe Professor Sedgwick is getting at in his book. The sculpture was called the “Surveyor’s Map”. The artist built a huge “boardwalk” that twisted and turned through the woods and encouraged visitors to make their own memories as they walked through it. It also included inscriptions from Calvert County residents that the artist KNEW would fade over time just as our memories do. WOW!! Each time I walked through it, I discovered something new, like the sculpture with its hands up and mouth open!

When it was time for me to leave the gardens and head to the baby shower, I felt whole. I had seen and experienced art that became important memories for my present, recalled some memories of other sculptures I’d seen in the past (that I’d forgotten) and allowed me to disconnect from XM radio, email and social media for six hours. I only used my phone to take photos – YET I didn’t feel disconnected at all because I felt connected with myself, God and Nature which was my primary goal for Lent. I’d say, Mission Accomplished!

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