I’ve started a Coronavirus Journal so that years from now I can look back on how I spent my time during the pandemic.
Here’s one of the things I wrote…
I now seem to cry at the drop of a hat. It never used to be like that.
I always was as strong as ox, I kept all my feelings packed in a box.
I love traveling around to do my Alzheimer’s work. Fighting the disease taking my Mom helps relieve the hurt.
I’m always hanging out and doing something fun, but when the Coronavirus showed up there was no where to run.
I’m forced to stay home alone with all my memories of thirty-four years. Memories that make me laugh out loud and cry buckets of tears.
Thank God I find peace while clicking together LEGO bricks. They help me process my life and the things I need to fix.
I miss my sister, my husband and my Mom who doesn’t know me. Very thankful that in my redesigned basement home I’m starting to feel free.
I had never sat still long enough to enjoy my new living space, because there are so many things in my life I still wasn’t ready to face.
Part of me still feels cheated cause I never met my dad. All things we never got to share in our lives even to this day makes me sad.
This year Tim and I would have been married for thirty-five years. But on September 21st without him there will be no cheer!
The virus is preventing me from visiting Mom except via a screen or through a glass door. Dealing with the virus and dementia together almost caused me to collapse on the floor.
Maybe my recent tears are helping me heal. Grieving the things missing from my life I’m starting to deeply feel.
It was past time to stop running and to finally start to process all my life’s stuff. Who knew a pandemic would force me to uncover realities that have been really tough.
As long as the stay at home order remains in place, I’ll continue to relish my time being still in my space.
I pray that the virus that’s impacted the entire world will soon go away. And yet I hope that the growth and peace finally building within me is here to stay.